Want an email?? How about something tie dyed? Yes, you too can be a winner!!

Two of you have asked for email notification when I'm out of surgery.

Lyssa has agreed to be my guest blogger for a few days next week and update my blog to let you know how I'm doing from time to time, but there is no guarantee that it will be daily.

Not even a guarantee that it will happen on THE day, although she will try. It depends on when we get home and internet access etc.

So if you want an email from her with the bare details after surgery, email me and I'll add your email address to the list.

That is all, off to tie dye. Gonna try some pastel colors this time. I usually make really deep, dark colors. I plan to dye at least one item to give away. Probably socks.

Stay tuned for details.

Wish me luck!! Photos tomorrow??

:)

Tears, Legos and Lies

I've been so busy at my job this year. It's definitely different to be a site director. I don't get to interact with the kids as much as I did as a site teacher.

I have gotten to know some of them pretty well though, and get a feeling for what kind of people they are, and am gradually learning more about each of them, but it's just.. different. I don't like it less, but I'm definitely shorter on individual interaction with this group than I was at my other school.

So I haven't written much about them. I used to write a lot more about the funny/interesting things that happened at work and I miss doing it. I read over some of my older work posts this past weekend and felt a little nostalgic for the good old days.

So my job is the subject for today. Possibly tomorrow, too. :)

On Monday, Ben* came running to me on the playground, looking concerned and excited at the same time. "Jim said the 's' word!" he exclaimed breathlessly.

"Oh dear," I said. "I'll go talk to him."

I saw Jim* sitting on the play structure, watching Ben talk to me. As I walked away from Ben and approached him, Jim covered his face with his hands and hunched over, the absolute picture of misery. When I reached him and said his name, he sat up and looked at me. His eyes were full of tears and he looked like he was pretty sure I was going to either hit him or yell at him.

So I sat down next to him and put my arm around his shoulders.

"So I heard you may have accidentally let an inappropriate word slip out."

He nodded, temporarily robbed of speech.

I said, "You know, I'm not here to yell at you. I'm not even mad. This isn't such a big deal. I just want you to try and remember to use appropriate language while you're here. Can you try to do that?"

He nodded.

And I said, "Now go play."


Then, on Tuesday afternoon, one my littlest guys was playing with the big guys while they had my private stash of Legos out. They don't come out often, and have a sticker on them that specifically asks that they not be used by anyone unless I'm there. They're my personal property. 

So it's a special occasion when they're brought out and all the boys want to join in.

I observed the boys all playing together and creating spaceships and cars, then I was busy with a couple other kid requests for a few minutes.

When I looked at the Lego area again, Logan* was missing. Instead, he was across the room, sitting on the seat of a cafeteria table and crying.

So I went over and sat down with him, and put my arm around him. (Hush. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to touch the kids... but I make sure we're visible to everyone else in the room. I'm not going to look at a crying child who needs comforting and ignore his or her needs. So sue me.)

"What's wrong, Logan?"

Sniff. Swipe the nose with the sleeve. Big tears.
"That boy... the one with the blue shirt... t-t-took m-m-m-y LIGHT SAVER!!"

Of course he meant light saber.

So I visited the Lego area and chatted with a few boys to find out what had happened. It was true. Mark* had decided that he needed the light saber more than Logan and had just taken it from his hand. Mark's a 4th grader, Logan is in 1st.

When I talked to Mark and asked him in a not so nice tone if that Lego was really more important than Logan's feelings were ("LOOK at him" I said. "Is the light saber really worth that???") Mark's eyes filled with tears. I think partly because he felt some remorse and partly because he was in trouble.

And he said, "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make him feel bad."

And he walked over to the bench where Logan sat, and handed him the whole spaceship AND the guy with the light saber and said, "I'm sorry, Logan. I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

Then Mark walked over to the art table and started drawing a picture. He voluntarily left the Lego bonanza. I was impressed. I went and talked with him and told him that he didn't have to leave the area, and he just sort of shrugged.

"I'm done anyway." he said. So I left it alone.

Then, Tuesday morning, Lori's* mom dropped her off, and Lori had been crying. This is not unusual, Lori is having a hard time in school this year. She has a male teacher, and I think she's about half afraid of him. For the first time in her school career, (she's in 3rd grade) she is not liking school. When her mom drops her off, she often clings to her, crying and saying, "I just want to be with you!"

And her mom gently removes Lori's arms from around her neck, turns her back, and walks out the door.

Leaving me to try to comfort/distract/listen to Lori. Which I suppose is technically my job. But as a mom, I can't imagine walking away from that.

So I do my job.

I sit down with Lori (and a box of tissues) and let her cry a bit and calm down. She tells me every time we talk that she just doesn't like her teacher. "He's mean," she confides. "And I don't think he likes me very much."

Well, I've met the guy. He's not exactly Mr. Warmth, but most of 'my' kids who have had him as a teacher have good things to say about him and enjoyed being in his class.

I've asked her questions. Made sure she has told her mom about her feelings. She has. And her mom says to tough it out, it's only one school year. Mom is not exactly the most approachable parent in my program, and I can't imagine what I'd say to her if given the opportunity. I mean, her daughter is obviously upset and she knows it. It's not like I'd be pointing out a new fact to her or informing her of something she doesn't already know.

So I don't know what's going on. I don't think it's anything horrible, but I still can't imagine dropping off a kid at morning day care in such an emotional state.

Finally for today, there's Erica*. She is a very manipulative, dishonest and physically aggressive little girl, and we've been working on that a bit. When I catch her being mean or snippy with other kids, I separate her from the group and we talk about it. Now I don't do this unless I've actually seen her behaving in an ugly manner. And when I ask her about it, she invariably denies any wrongdoing. When I point out to her that I saw what she was doing, she still denies it.

I usually say something along the lines of, "Well, I expect you to be honest with me. Until you're ready to do so, why don't you just sit here a few minutes. When you're ready to talk, you can let me know."

And she'll sit there glaring at me, angry tears in her eyes. They don't spill over, they just... shine.

And eventually she comes to talk to me, and after great protestation, lamenting, "Why doesn't anyone ever believe me???" will finally reluctantly admit pinching or hitting or stealing someone's pencil or ruining their art project... while trying to blame the other person for her actions.

Thing is, she's sorry she gets caught because it's personally inconvenient to her, but there is no remorse for the action itself.

I have told her repeatedly that the reason people don't believe her is that she is constantly caught being dishonest, and that the only way to make sure people believe you is to always be an honest and straightforward person. She isn't buying it.

Wednesday afternoon, I saw her sitting with another girl, and they were working on some papers together. This is not unusual, kids often collaborate on little challenges/word finds/crossword puzzles etc,  and share items from our books with each other. (remember the great p*nis incident?)

And when Erica's mom came to pick her up, Erica proudly pulled out the papers and said, "Look! I got all my homework done!"

And her mom looked at it closely and said, "Who wrote this?"
 
Erica said, "I did!"
 
And her mom said, "Look at my face. Who wrote this?"

And Erica flicked her glance upward at Mom, then looked down and said defiantly, "I did! Honest!!"

Of course I couldn't stay out of it since I knew what had happened. So I walked over and mentioned that I'd seen another girl helping her, but that I hadn't been aware that it was homework.

And mom pulled an eraser off the art cart and erased all the pages. And said, "Now when we get home, you can do your own work."

Erica looked at her, those big eyes filling with tears. She said,  "Why doesn't anyone ever believe me?"

As I write this, it's Thursday evening. Andie's* father came to me this afternoon and told me that he wanted Erica to keep her hands off his daughter. That so far, he knows Andie hasn't retaliated physically, but she's getting awfully tired of being poked, elbowed, and pinched. Yesterday afternoon (Wednesday) I had a group of kids in another part of the building washing hands, and my assistant had a discussion with Erica about that very thing. She'd seen Erica elbowing Andie repeatedly and put a stop to it. Not five minutes later, she did it again... and without provocation.

I let him know that we were not unaware of the problem and had taken action whenever we observed the problem, thanked him for coming to me, and told Andie in front of him that I want her to make sure and let us know any time there's an incident. It's damned hard to make sure all 22-24 kids are being nice to each other all the time, and I always just feel like incompetent shit when a parent has to come to me over something like this.

So we'll be documenting the latest few incidents and talking with Erica tomorrow. We can actually disenroll a child for a pattern of physically violent behavior, but I'd really like to put a stop to it before we have to take that action. Documenting the behavior is one step in the right direction.

Separating the child from the kid they're picking on is another step we occasionally have to take. I explain that,"We have talked to you about this issue many times, and we aren't going to discuss it anymore. You'll need to stay away from that person for the day."

If that does not work and the behavior continues, the next step is to communicate with the parent and get them involved, but I really don't like to do that. I prefer to handle things in program... that's what we're being paid to do. I don't want to involve parents unless it's an absolute last resort, but at a certain point, we will probably have to get Mom involved. (See above comment about feeling like incompetent shit.)

There's also the issue when one finally does have to involve a parent... the parent says, "Why didn't you tell me when this first started?" And then I have to explain my handling of the situation and why I'm involving the parent now... well, it's just a pain in the ass, really.

I really hate that I'm going to be off work. I want to observe this/fix it/ handle it myself.

Grr.

I'm boring

But things are coming together.

Got someone to work at my site while I'm off. (Probably SIX!! Weeks!! according to the doctor.)

Had the blood work and all that. I have a sling that I'm supposed to bring with me on Tuesday.

I also have a physical therapy appointment with Shawn on Friday the 13th... which is of course only three days from surgery.

Ack.

Will be doing some crazy busy house stuff for the next couple days and trying to catch up on the laundry.

Will haunt Goodwill to see if I can get a couple more REALLY BIG shirts... not easy to do since I am really big already.

Thanks for all the good thoughts, the advice and the personal emails.

Y'all are so sweet.

Sorry to be boring today.